if u become an important in someone's life,

u will become someone's priority,

and not left behind.

the wound is not heal yet

yes yes final is not around the corner anymore! semalam bersamaan 29th october, paper QMT (Quantitative Business Analysis) is my 1st paper..how was it?? its damn suck! real suck! but i think i deserve that kind of feeling..

Masa tgh struggle jawab QMT also known as killer paper, my mind keep on saying "damn it! nape susah ni!!" and it goes to "ok tape fara, intersesi ada" damnn!! xpernah2 aku fikirkan pasal intersesi masa jawab final Diploma dulu and now for the very 1st time in my Degree and 1st final aku fikirkan pasal itu..hmm mcm useless pulak rasa..

WHY? nape teruk sgt aku sem ni?? carry mark utk kebykn subjek mcm dah teruk je aku tgk..dah la 50%-50%, base on exp aku if teruk sgt carry mark possibility nk cemerlang itu adalah tipis..hmm semua nya salah aku! yess salah aku! aku biarkan benda2 yg x penting come 1st rather than study...bila value for study dah kurang..

Banyak sangat masalah datang! than buat aku tak de semangat untuk semua perkara! kadang2 aku sampai malas nak datang kelas..aku nak tido 1 whole day, tak nak tgk dunia sebab takut untuk rasa benda2 yg hati aku sendiri tak'welcome' kan kedatangan perasaan itu...aku byk diam fikirkan kenapa? kenapa? kenapa? Aku tak sedar yg aku dah neglect orang yg paling2 penting yg bila dia xde aku bole mati dan aku biarkan dia berkecil hati akan perubahan aku..sebab aku rasa dia pasti rindukan ke ‘talkative’ an aku..maaf sangat2! aku tak nak salah kan sesiapa atas apa yg terjadi..tapi aku rasa aku sendiri yang tak kuat nak hadapi semua saat itu

Hati aku awal2 lagi dah surrender sebab aku tahu 'dia' sangat 'tenat' sebab aku sndri seksa hati aku sampai masuk ICU smpi 'dia' tenat...tapi akal fikiran logik aku yg kasi aku kuat..buat segala assignment and study utk test..bila akal fikiran logik tak bergabung dgn hati semestinya energy and spirit itu sgt2 kurang...akal bisik dekat aku suruh aku kuat dan fikirkan masa depan, dia kata lagi tak kan cuz of piece of meat bole rosakkan segala-galanya dan dia tak nak aku menyesal..

Dan aku tahu setiap apa yang berlaku ada hikmahnya...cuma apa yang aku nampak sekarang.. Tuhan tunjukkan aku orang2 sebenar di sekeliling aku. Aku dapat tahu siapa yang tak menghargai tulus aku, aku tahu siapa yang pijak aku,aku dapat tahu siapa yang keji belakang aku..dan orang yang aku harap2 kan untuk 'dukung' aku di kala aku 'tenat' TIADA! dengan aku...ada yang perbodoh2kan aku..sebab dia ingat aku bodoh tapi dia xtau dia lagi bodoh buat macam tu..tak pe kita hidup b'pegang karma wut goes around comes around..itu janji Tuhan..kau lari dalam lubang cacing pun karma itu akan kejar kau..karma is a police bak kata omputeh ;) dan aku sedar yang kita tak boleh nak memandai2 sebab Tuhan yang ada kuasa untuk tentukan segalanya..aku juga sedar yang aku perlu aplikasi quotes yg besties aku penah kasi "dont put a hope to a small soul"..sekarang aku da faham quotes itu.

Dan yang manisnya orang yang aku jarang2 sangka akan berada teguh berdiri sebelah aku, hulur tangan untuk aku berdiri..sandarkan aku saat aku mahu 'longlai' ...you knw who you are! now u have ur own place in my heart!i love you!

dan aku masih lagi dalam proses 'pemulihan'..susah kan mahu hilangkan luka-luka begitu sahaja..sedang orang accident pun parut ada yang kekal selamanya..ini kan lagi kat dalam..orang tak nampak sebab tu ingat everytng's fine je..God only know..;) whatever it is i have to force myself to become stronger than ever and learn from every single bad thing happened to me cuz i know GOD send me a message to make me realize on something...mak kata Tuhan sayang kita sebab itu dia uji kita dan tak neglect kita..and i know HE always beside me..aku je yang selalu lupa dia :(

bak kata destiny child "after the darkness and sadness soon come happiness if i surround myself with positive thing! i gain prosperity" and now i have to set positive in mind..cuz i think i can see the rainbow on the other side waiting and smiling at me..;) hello rainbow come near me! i miss u rainbow u'r gone for too long!

my pay check

this is my 'pay check' that i waiting for, 3 years struggling...

yea..yea for u? eleee diploma je kot! ishh...! ingat senang2 ke nak dapat sehelai kertas ni yg kat kedai berharga lebih kurang rm 1.50...tapi bila ada nya tulisan tu membuat kan face value nya priceless! bukan senang nak dapat...bila sudah dapat kepuasanya tahap maksima..yea time konvo feelingnya sangat hebat Tuhan kasi kita rasa,feeling yang sangat2 puas dan bila hari itu kau di rai kan dan segala usaha perit di hargai...

Terima Kasih Tuhan atas nikmat Mu...

Terima Kasih Mak & Ayah...

Terima Kasih rakan2 seperjuangan....

Terima Kasih kepada yang berkenaan...

Tanpa kamu aku tidak berada di tangga yg sedang aku berdiri...dan aku juga sedang gigih berusaha ke tangga yg atas lagi...

She was not beautiful. Nothing about her was extraordinary. Nothing about her made her stand out in a crowd. she learned responsibility at an early age.

As she grew stronger and brighter, she instilled a sort of light and cheer to whomever she met. She was not beautiful, but she made others feel better about themselves. She meets a rebel boy who thinks he is all man, befriending him, she teaches him. She teaches him how to read and a little boost, the ‘man’ needed to go to college, they become fast friends and she fell fast in love with her rugged handsome student.

The ‘man’ then finds himself in love with a girl. A girl who was so beautiful. Her hair was a hallow of light around her. Her eyes the bluest blue of the ocean. ‘Like an angel’ he tells his tutor ‘like a beautiful angel.’ The girl swallows a lump at her throat. She was not beautiful, she did not posses the heart of the one he loved, but she did not care. As long as he was happy, she would be happy, or so she tried to. She helped write the most beautiful letters to his angel. All the time visioning it was she herself receiving those very letters. And so the girl helped him choose the right clothes, say the right words, and buy the right gifts for his angel.

His angel brought him much joy and much pain to the girl who cried behind her smiles. But that never stopped her from giving more than she will ever receive. Then one day, the angel he loved left him for another man. A richer more successful man. The boy was stunned. He was so hurt, he did not speak for days. The girl went to him. He cried on her shoulder and she cried with him.

He was hurt and she was too. Time went by and so wounds heal. The boy realizes something about his friend/tutor. Something he never realized before. How her laughter sounded heavenly and how her smiles brightened up the darkest days, or how simply beautiful she looked to him!

Beautiful. This plain, simple girl was beautiful to him. And he began to fall. Fall so in love with this beautiful girl. On one day, he picked up all his courage to see her. He walked to her house, nervous, and fidgeting, Running his thoughts over and over his head.

He was going to tell her how beautiful she was to him. He was going to tell her how wonderfully in love he was with her. He knocked. No one was home.

The next day, he found out that the beautiful girl he fell in love with had a brain tumor that put her into a coma. The doctors were grim and the family decided to let her go.

One final time he got to see her. He held her hand. He stroked her hair and he cried for this beautiful girl. He cried, but it was too late. The beautiful girl was buried and the heavens broke. Out a beautiful spring shower, a cry for their loss. She was the most beautiful girl in the world and she had taught the rebel boy-man to love and what it is to be loved.

She was the most beautiful girl in the world.

Look around. Aren’t there a lot of plain faces? Take a good look. A real good look or you might just miss out that beautiful person.

gila-gilaan

aku layan kau macam mana kau layan aku.

faham?

sebab dia datang dgn semula jadi.

kalau kau sweet dengan aku

aku gula-gula dengan kau.

kalau kau kasi shit kt aku

aku kasi tahi gajah kat kau.

kalau kau rasa aku jerk

kau lagi jerk.

kalau kau rasa aku annoyed

kau lagi annoyed.

sebab aku cermin kan balik perangai kau.

setuju?

tak setuju pegi maty!

note: manusia akan menghakimi manusia. patutnya tak payah ada hakim bertauliah sebabnya dah banyak manusia yang boleh hakimi manusia tanpa ada certificate.